Guest Post, Author at Cedars Story

Down Syndrome Adoption- Max & Jude

May 14, 2018 by Guest Post Leave a Comment

When a mama has a baby who is diagnosed with Down Syndrome there is often a process that occurs. That process can include a time of grieving and tears but for this mama that was later followed by a love so big it spanned oceans and brought her not one, but two beautiful souls with Down Syndrome.

I married my high school sweetheart and we were able to do mission work in an orphanage in Romania. I have wanted to adopt since I was a little girl. Reading the book Lost Girls of China and our mission work only solidified this desire. Our plan was to have 3 biological children and adopt what would be our 4^th child.

Children 1 and 2 came relatively easy, but we then had multiple miscarriages, years of unsuccessful fertility procedures, and finally decided to stop trying. We started the foster adoption process (January ’13). Mid-way through we lost my little sister (March ’13) and knew we needed to allow ourselves time to grieve properly before bringing more children who were also broken into our home.

Pressure to Abort a Baby With Down Syndrome Stole My Joy

May 7, 2018 by Guest Post 4 Comments

When an expectant mother learns that there is going to be something considered “abnormal” with her baby, the emotions run high. The Pressure to abort a baby with Down Syndrome is very real and the information provided is often very negative and outdated.

Meet Mistie, Mistie was young and healthy when at 21 she learned that her baby was going to be born with Down Syndrome. The pressure to abort a baby with Down Syndrome came at her from every angle and on multiple occasions, here is how the story goes…

We finally got pregnant! It’s a little crazy considering I was only 21, but the excitement was still there. I had recently learned about some hereditary medical issues and if I wanted to have a kid then the possibility of getting pregnant was higher earlier in life. My husband and I both had a year and a half left of college, but we decided to start trying any way. After months it finally happened; we were so excited!

During my early weeks of pregnancy I had this feeling I couldn’t shake though; I needed to go to the doctor to double check on the baby. I was lucky enough to have an amazing mid-wife who calmly explained that it’s a first pregnancy and everything looked fine. Even after that appointment though my gut didn’t settle and I requested to see a specialist – I just felt like I needed to. After some hesitation my mid-wife agreed. I was 12 weeks pregnant and decided to take a first-trimester genetic screening blood test. We waited about 10 days and then we got the call.

“Hi Mistie we got your results in, do you have a minute?” Said the geneticist

“Yes!” I replied

“Well do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?”

“. . . Uhhh bad I guess”

I didn’t actually think something was going to be wrong.

“Well the test came back and the fetus has an extra 21st chromosome – it’s known as trisomy 21 or Down Syndrome.” She said.

” . . .Oh okay uh . . .” I stammered.

“Would you like to know the gender? Or should we just talk about the termination process.”

Termination? I was so confused – I thought I knew what Down Syndrome is but . . . I wasn’t for sure. It was her saying ‘termination’ that really threw me off. I was just silent; I honestly didn’t know what to say. My heart hurt and my body felt unbearably heavy. The words Down Syndrome just keep ringing in my ears.

“About 90% of Down Syndrome diagnosis’s end with termination worldwide; it is a really common solution and we can take care of it as early as tomorrow.” She said.

“No – no I want to know the gender.” I spit out.

“Oh. . . Okay . . . it is a boy.”

“A boy?!? I am having a boy! Wow!”

The biggest smile appeared on my husband’s face; he always said that he didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl, but he’ll admit now that he really wanted a boy first.

“But what is Down Syndrome?” I asked

“He has an extra 21st chromosome which will affect him physically and mentally throughout his entire life.” She responded. “There are varying degrees of functionally but there is really no way to tell if he will be at a high level of functionally or severely low level. He might be able to go to school and get a simple job but he also may never be potty-trained, learn to walk, he might require an endless amount of surgeries, some of them are vegetables and can’t do much of anything . . .”

She went on and on and on with the negative possibilities. I just really wanted her to stop talking.

“Well some of that makes sense; but you can’t tell the future or value of someone’s life by just a simple diagnosis about them.” I said.

“Well yes but you need to think about your future.” She fired back. “You’ll be taking care of him his whole life. He will always live with you. Do you want that? You are really young and just finishing school – you need to think about your future and all the things you want to do. You can terminate your pregnancy up to 20 weeks and if you do it soon no one will even know that you were pregnant; and if someone does know you can just say you had a miscarriage.”

“I’m okay. Thank you”

And with that I quickly ended the phone call.

Shaken up, my husband and I took a breather, talked about our little boy, and immediately dove into some research. It was more helpful than we could have imagined; Down Syndrome didn’t seem that scary anymore. ALL of what we read online was fueled with positivity, showcasing the incredible lives those with Down Syndrome can lead.

After this phone call experience I started to question a lot of things in life, how I view them, and what a true successful life is. Is the value of a life based on a job title or a specific life style? Is someone’s career path what decides how valuable their life is? That just can’t be true. No matter who you are you have value, you matter. Life success isn’t counted by the money you make, or how many people know your name. In that moment I decided that a person who knows how to be kind and love others has the most valuable life.

What would a little boy with Down Syndrome know about kindness and love?

I was very unaware at the time just how much Jed was going to teach me more about being kind and loving others.

I received four more phone calls before I hit 20 weeks of pregnancy. Each phone call was, for the most part, the same. They would ask me if I was depressed, tell me how many more weeks I had left to terminate, and once they even asked if my husband was forcing me to have this baby. During every call I had the phrase ‘Fight for him Mistie – Fight for him!’ repeating in my head. I felt like I was fighting to show that my son wasn’t just a statistic. At the same time I felt like a crazy person; was I the only woman in the world to find out prenatally I was having a baby with Down Syndrome and not get an abortion??? I would cry every time after receiving a phone call. I would tell myself that it can’t be that bad to have a kid with Down Syndrome . . . it just didn’t make sense.

We ended up only telling a few family members and select friends about the diagnosis. I didn’t want everyone judging Jed before they got to meet him. I wanted everyone to fall in love with Jed and not let his Down Syndrome decide for them. I also was scared that some would react badly knowing I chose to keep my baby with the knowledge that he would have Down Syndrome. Because of the extreme pressure to terminate, I often would feel like Jed was unwanted. That feeling has followed and haunted me for the past four years. It is the reason it has taken me four years to share our diagnosis story.

If I could go back I wish I would have gotten the chance to celebrate Down Syndrome earlier. My worries were based on outdated information; it was being preached to me that he would be a burden when in reality, he is a true miracle that has taught me more about kindness and love than I thought imaginable.

One of the best days of my life was when I finally got to meet Jedediah in person and hold him in my arms; it was such a relief. At first glance I did see ‘Down Syndrome’ in him, but after a quick blink of an eye that was gone; all I saw was my beautiful baby boy. Even now I have difficulty seeing the ‘Down Syndrome’ in his face; people will at times point out to me but, he is Jed. Down Syndrome is a box I check when we go to the doctors – just a simple fact about the cutest little blonde boy there is.

Mistie Ellsworth is a young mother of two and her oldest son, Jedediah, happens to have Down Syndrome. Jedediah, or Jed for short, is three and a half and a big brother to Wyatt, who will turn one next month. Mistie enjoys doing home therapy with Jedediah, blogging, traveling and going on daily adventures with her boys. Check out her blog here and follow along with the family on Instagram @jedediahsjourney

Want to see more cuties like Jedidiah and Cedar? Check out our children’s Picture book, available on Amazon by clicking the link below.

Choosing Daycare when Your Child has Down Syndrome

May 4, 2018 by Guest Post 4 Comments

Down Syndrome and Daycare, it can be an intimidating combination for a parent.

Jessica is a teacher, a mom, and the parent of a beautiful boy with Down Syndrome. Her professional experiences have led her to have a wonderful insight into the topic of choosing a daycare when you have a child with Down Syndrome. Down Syndrome daycare, here’s some advice. [Read more…]

A prenatal diagnosis of Down Syndrome for a Labor & Delivery nurse

April 24, 2018 by Guest Post Leave a Comment

Melody is on the medical team. Melody knows an awful lot about labor and delivery as that is what she does for a living, however, it is a whole new ballgame when the medical professional is a patient and the diagnosis is unexpected.

I learned that I was having a baby girl with Down Syndrome when I was about 14 weeks pregnant. I am a Labor and Delivery nurse and I decided to have the testing done because I was 40 and for some reason, I just felt I should. My OB, who I also work with and deliver babies with all the time, said that the new testing was very accurate and although I never did testing with my other pregnancies, I chose to with this one.

[Read more…]

Prenatal Down Syndrome Diagnosis- Faith in God’s Plan

April 14, 2018 by Guest Post 1 Comment

This day,more than one year ago is the day that changed my life forever. It’s the day that changed the path I thought I was on, to the one that God had me on from the beginning. He knew I would walk this path in life with Easton before He even knitted me together in my mother’s womb. He knew I would be here today with this sweet ray of sunshine that I have named Easton. He knew that I would feel shame, embarrassment, anger, sadness, disappointment, and fear when I learned that Easton would have Down syndrome. He knew that I would need my “tribe” to get through it. He also knew that I would eventually see the light at the end of this very dark, lonely time in my life. He knew I would still be standing strong on the other side.

Easton is truly the light of my life. He makes me happy every single day. When he smiles, I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest with love for him. I don’t see Down syndrome when I look at him. I see my son. I see his beautiful blue eyes, and his perfectly soft hair. I see his sweet toothless smile, his kissable cheeks, and his sweet, happy demeanor. I see his future; and let me just say- it’s a bright one! I can’t wait to watch him succeed in life. I can’t wait to see how much he accomplishes, and how many lives he changes along the way. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me the honor of being this little boy’s mama.

July 26, 2016 is a completely different story. It’s the day that changed my life’s path forever. It’s the day that my world was rocked. This day one year ago, I was brought to my knees in fear, pain, sadness, anger, disappointment, and shame. It’s the month that was the start to the rest of my life. The day that started me on this crazy roller coaster of a journey called motherhood. It’s also the day that brought me closer to God.

One year ago today, is the day that I got the phone call. The call that would change life as I knew it. I heard the genetic counselor (whom I had NEVER met before this) say, “Unfortunately, it looks like your Nuchal Translucency test came back with a very high risk of Down syndrome.” “What does that mean?”, I said quickly in shock and disbelief. “Your scan of the fetus looked fine, but the blood work came back with a 1 in 126 chance of the baby having Down syndrome. We need to pursue further testing to find out more.”

To simply say that I was in shock would be an understatement. I couldn’t wrap my head around this concept. Down syndrome? My baby could have Down syndrome? There is no way. That is impossible. Stuff like this doesn’t happen to me. 1 in 126 doesn’t seem like very high risk. That’s still less than 1% chance. -I tried everything to talk myself out of it, but at the same time, I already knew.

I was out of town at a funeral for a family member of my husband when I received this phone call. I remember feeling so many emotions at once. Waves of them just washing over me, all while I was trying to smile and seem like everything was okay. I longed to be anywhere else- anywhere that I had some privacy so I could grieve and process what I had just heard over the phone.

As soon as I heard the genetic counselor say there was a chance, I knew immediately. Looking back at my life, God has been preparing me for Easton for years. He knew my life plan before I was even born. He knew He was going to give this child to me. He knew I would be able to handle it. He also knew that I would need some preparation before hand, which He gave me.

I have had this feeling/fear my entire life that I was going to have a hard time getting pregnant. I don’t know why. All my family members would tell me I was crazy. My mom and sisters have never had a problem with fertility, so they said I would have no problem. Still, I just had this feeling that I was going to be different. I would talk to family members about being my surrogate (jokingly, kind of) if I needed it.

So when Drew and I made the decision to start trying to have a baby, I was terrified. I was so worried it was going to be so difficult. I have seen so many of my friends have difficulties. When I took that first pregnancy test, and it showed positive, I lost it. I couldn’t believe it! I honestly kinda blacked out in those moments after. I was in shock but so overwhelmed with excitement. I couldn’t believe I was actually pregnant, and on the first try. I remember thinking how lucky we were. I knew how hard it could be to get pregnant. I definitely did not take it for granted. I remember thinking, this is too good to be true. I was blissfully and ridiculously happy the next 9 weeks, until that day, July 26, 2016.

Once I learned of Easton’s prenatal diagnosis, the grieving process was hard. There was denial, anger, shame, and then so much sadness. One day I fought off the grief enough to reach out to the people closest to me. Once I stopped keeping this secret to myself, and started sharing it with very close friends and family members, I started to feel so much better. With each person I told, it was like a little piece of weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was so worried about what other people were going to think. Were they going to love him? Were they going to think something is wrong with me, or this is my fault in some way? Were they going to make fun of him? Were they still going to be excited about my pregnancy and his arrival?

When I started sharing this news with my close family and friends, that’s when I realized God had started preparing me for this. Each and every person I told met the news with grace, encouragement, support, and love. They assured me that they would love Easton with everything they have, his life was something to be celebrated, and that he would make a meaningful impact in this world. I started to realize that God had purposely put these people in my life. He had led me each place the past 15 years for a reason. He put Drew in my life because He knew that THIS was THE person that was going to be strong enough to stand next to me through all this. He gave me an amazing family, friends, nurses, and doctors. As I am sitting here typing this, I am truly realizing that He has been walking alongside me through this entire journey. Even though His actual footprints aren’t present- the proof of His presence is everywhere.

I know Easton is going to make a meaningful impact and difference in this world we live in. I just pray that I am also. I hope that a mom who has had a Down syndrome diagnosis reads this and realizes that there IS a light at the end of the dark, lonely tunnel that she is in. So to that mother: Your baby will be AMAZING. Your baby is worth it. It’s okay to feel all the emotions that you are feeling. Feel them. Embrace them. But just know, that once you have your sweet babe in your arms, you will feel so silly for feeling the way you did. You will feel as though those tears you shed were for nothing because this IS the child that you always wanted- you just might not have known it yet. Be joyful and take pride. You are on a journey you never knew you wanted to be on. But trust me, you will love it.

Krista lives in Fredericksburg, VA with her husband of three years, Drew. They are parents to Easton, who was prenatally diagnosed with DS, and two fur babies, Savannah (a cat) and Macho (a rambunctious pug). Krista is a third grade teacher in Stafford, VA. When she isn’t working she loves to spend time with her family and friends, and sharing their story on Instagram and Facebook. Follow Krista and Easton on Instagram @everydaywitheaston.