Back to the beginning PART 2

It was late into the night and I surely was not expecting to go into labor, I figured I had a few weeks to go yet.  But, I awoke and the contractions started, I remember taking a shower around 2am and then calling out to my husband as I was in the shower because the contractions had gotten so intense so quickly that I  was having trouble standing.  My husband called the midwife as I assured him this was the real deal and by the time she arrived, the party was on.  It was then, when I already was in the throes of some heavy duty labor, that we figured Cedar had flipped into the breech position though he had been head down earlier in the day.  During my pregnancy this was something that Cedar liked to do he would flip leaving me feeling as though I was on a  roller coaster ride headed downhill fast.  I figured though when he settled at 37 weeks head down that we were good to go, he had other plans.  This was the hardest and most intense labor of all of my 6 labors but it was intensely fast and furious lasting less than 2 1/2 hours from the moment I first woke until Cedar was in my arms.

Cedar entered the world feet first during a planned homebirth early in the morning hours of December 6, 2016. There were no complications (aside from coming out backwards-lol) during the delivery and he pinked up quickly.  When I got my first look at him, through relieved and tired eyes, I noticed he looked different.  His little ears were folded and his head seemed a little misshapen but I figured that maybe that was as  a result of being born feet first.  I remember asking my midwife though, if she thought he looked a little different.  I really cannot remember if it was me, or my husband, who said Down Syndrome, but I remember thinking of every excuse in the world as to why it simply couldn’t be Down Syndrome.  My husband is an RN and he began looking over our new son and listening to his heart through a stethoscope.  Everything was going well with Cedar and after what I had just been through in labor we decided to relax and try to get some rest.  Cedar was nursing, peeing and pooping and doing very well at birth.  I look back now and think I may well have been in a bit of shock as my feelings were a bit numb.  I remember looking at my son and as we took pictures I kept taking them at different angles because in some I could see a look, and then in others, it wasn’t there.   I realized pretty quickly what I was doing and I felt immensely guilty for feeling like I was not bonding with my child, I was scared and exhausted.  I think I just pushed everything out of my mind and focused on getting Cedar all the nutrition I could, he was very tired and his latch was a bit different when he nursed so I just put all my efforts into giving him the nurturing care he needed.  It was right about 48 hours later that we decided to have him seen by our pediatrician.  I hated making that first phone call.  It was like the whole world was right there safe in our bedroom but when we would leave, I was so scared of what we might find out…

(TO BE CONTINUED)