That day came, the one I wondered about for quite some time, the day a stranger recognized the Down Syndrome traits in my child’s perfect little face, and she approached me. It has been many months now since that day, but it was still so profound for me.
It was like any other Costco trip before, except this time I only had 2 of my 6 children with me. (this is rare) We were perusing the aisles before heading for my 11 year old’s favorite part, the samples. As we wheeled passed the cheese and crackers we paused and she caught my eye. Everyone always comments on my little one’s hair, I must say Cedar has some awesome locks. This was totally not unusual, but once the woman commented on his hair and made a bit of small talk about how old he was, she paused. She just kept looking at him and I knew something was coming. Her hand lingered on his bare little foot just lighting on his big toe.
This, I might add, is one of those defining moments. I have had them before, and I have failed. Like the time I missed a connection because I just didn’t want to talk about Down Syndrome. I have wondered, sometimes if a stranger will catch me on a bad day and say something rude, or just ignorant. Another blogger, Erin, at the lucky Wells, wrote an entire post about just this thing and I read it shaking my head all too knowingly that the day would come.
The funny thing is that sometimes I don’t see Down Syndrome. I mean at certain angles in photos I see the textbook physical traits that my Cedar possesses, but overall, he’s just my sweet little babe and though I know it is a part of him, it isn’t the main thing I think about or see anymore. I sometimes even wonder when people comment on his hair or something about him, do they see it yet?
Time stood still for just a moment and when it did, I breathed and decided that this might well be an educational moment. But then…she smiled and asked if we had chatted before. I didn’t remember ever seeing this woman before in my life so I smiled back and said I didn’t think so. She went on to tell me that she had a grandbaby just about the same age as my Cedar, at this point my 11 year old began getting antsy, likely feeling a story coming on he began to wander away. Then, she said it, “my grandbaby is a twin, and one twin has Down Syndrome.” I was no longer tense, the ease that washed over me was likened to a wave leaving me feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. I quickly blurted out, “My son has Down Syndrome too!” She smiled again and told me he was beautiful, that really did melt my heart.
So it happened, his physical traits that allow others to see that he indeed has something a little bit extra were visable to a complete stranger, but it led to the sweetest exchange. I love that this is the first experience I have had in public by a total stranger acknowledging my son’s xtra chromosome. It was such a positive exhange and the woman’s eyes lit up when talking of her granddaughter. It was so very special to make a connection like that.
I went home that day feeling excited, feeling like I no longer had to worry about the first time someone in public acknowledged that my son had Down Syndrome, because it had already happened and it was perfect. No ignorant comments this day, no grace filled smile as I explained what Down Syndrome was, nope, just a sweet exchange between two women who both love someone with a little something xtra.
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I’ve never even thought about this scenario with my son. Maybe because he’s so young. However, last week on Greys first trip up north I saw a family that had a 1 year old with DS. I approached them and struck up a conversation. Now I wonder if this was their first exchange. I sure hope so. My previous encounter was with a mom with a 9 year old with DS in our local target. I thought I was ready to talk but I went home and had a breakdown. This recent encounter left a much better impression and I walked away from it feeling satisfied with knowing everything was going to be ok.
Tamara, I hadn’t thought of it really long and hard until reading Erin’s post. Its funny, after writing this, just yesterday I saw a child, I am aussuming 5 years old, and I approached her and her grandma, they were so sweet and she was adorable!
My Ellie is 7 months. I had a woman come up to me at a gathering saying how beautiful and sweet she was. She was a sweet, bold, chatty woman . She finished up her conversation saying ” the only thing wrong with these little buggers is who is going to take care of them when you are gone ?” Arg. I just smiled and said she’s the youngest of 5 and deeply loved by my 7 siblings as well. She’ll be fine 🙂
ouch…I don’t like her! And, your Ellie may well be able to live independently at some point, no one knows the future!
This is so sweet. When Dianna was younger, most who met her were quite surprised to learn she had T21. They would say things like, “She must have a mild case” or “She doesn’t look like that.” I’m still learning how to deal with these comments. I need to try and be more educational in my responses rather than just ignoring them.
I have to watch my “snarky-ness” sometimes, I just hope I don’t get caught on a bad day. lol
Last week, while i was with my 4 month old baby, a woman approached to me and asked if she can gave me something like a business card and i was like ok!!, then she said that her daughter is a speech therapist and that she has specialized training in DS, now i think that maybe it was a good thing but in that moment i was just like shocked because a stranger recognized that my son has DS. I didn’t take it like an offense but Just didn’t see it comin’
That particular situation may have upset me a bit, because how did she know your child needed speech therapy? Kind of an assumption on her part…