Choosing Daycare when Your Child has Down Syndrome

 

Down Syndrome and Daycare, it can be an intimidating combination for a parent.

Jessica is a teacher, a mom, and the parent of a beautiful boy with Down Syndrome.  Her professional experiences have led her to have a wonderful insight into the topic of choosing a daycare when you have a child with Down Syndrome.  Down Syndrome daycare, here’s some advice.

I am an elementary school teacher and I knew from the moment I was pregnant that I would be going back to work within weeks (turned into 3 months later) of giving birth. It wasn’t a question, it was a necessity for my family since our health insurance was through my job. So, choosing the right daycare for my child was a huge weight.

After touring several daycare facilities, I fell in love with one. I even called my husband from the car and asked him what limbs he would be willing to sell in order to get our kid in this place! It was expensive, but I was sold! Their certifications, their reputation, and the personalities of the staff convinced me that this was the place. I put a deposit down the next day.

Fast forward 3 months to the birth of our son, Aaron. We had no idea that he was going to have Down Syndrome. The diagnosis was given to us while he was in the NICU for meconium aspiration. We went through the emotions of an unexpected diagnosis as well as praying our son would be okay from the birth trauma. After he was healthy and home, I finally got around to thinking about this amazing daycare and a whole new set of worries entered my brain. As a first time mom, I had no idea what to do or what to tell these people. Would they still take him?

I called to talk to them and they were truly amazing. They had us come in with the baby and were more than willing to do whatever was needed. This has never stopped. It has been almost 4 years with them now, and despite my worries, they have never let me down.  He is the only child with Down Syndrome at this daycare. (One of the assistants even quit her job to go back to school for special education after working with Aaron) Every room he moves up to is a new experience. He has learned to do something new in each room. Crawling, walking, using a spoon. All of these things happened at daycare. And the best part? They have iPads that they use to send us photos and videos of these milestones so we don’t miss a thing!

After starting at daycare at three months old, Aaron did seem to get sick a lot. Part of that was germs from kids at daycare, and honestly, I teach and brought home my share of germs. Aaron and I even had strep at the same time once. He always seemed to have a cough. Daycare even called 911 one day when his temperature spiked to over 104 and they couldn’t reach us. His teacher was preparing to go with him on the ambulance when I walked in the door. He was put on breathing treatments and daycare was more than willing to accommodate.  At 2 ½, Aaron had his tonsils and adenoids out and tubes in his ears. He has had a cold maybe twice since then. I don’t feel like he got any sicker than any other kid, but we certainly kept our eyes open for how it affected his system. He always did great bouncing back.

Because of his developmental delays, Aaron has been held back a little from his age group, which despite my worries has actually turned out to be a good thing. He is in a group now where he is about 6-8 months older than the rest of the kids. But developmentally he is in a better place.  His most recent classroom transition has been my biggest stress. I met with the teacher earlier in the year and left the meeting in tears. She was the first person in the facility who I felt didn’t want to work with my son. Because he “couldn’t do” things yet, she wouldn’t be able to help him. He needed to be independent, potty trained, and able to follow directions the first time. I was appalled…he is three! What three year old, even typical, can do all of these things? My biggest concern was feeding. At almost 4, Aaron is still only eating pureed foods. We are working with OT and a feeding clinic to move this part along. He is feeding himself, but still needs monitoring. Would this woman stall his progress?

Aaron was finally moved into this classroom in June. I spoke to the office manager about my concerns and before the move, the director of the building, the teacher, and the office manager all met with his OT to make sure they were all on the same page with his care. They even wanted a copy of his IEP! (Since January, he is going two days a week on the bus to a public school Pre-K program. Next year it will be three days a week.) I was shocked and thrilled. His new daycare teacher has had to take a step back and rethink her approach when it comes to Aaron, but her ultimate goal is to help Aaron learn and she has done well, adjusting for him as needed. She is firm and has expectations, but Aaron thrives on structure. We talk every day at either drop off or pickup. She knows I want to know how he is doing and that open communication has been a huge help for both of us.

Looking back, I would offer this advice to moms looking for a daycare, whether a facility or an in-home daycare:

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1. Follow your gut! A mom’s intuition is usually right. If something seems off, it probably is. Investigate it. Do some research online into the place. Look at comments online. Talk to the staff, ask questions, share your concerns. Everyone can talk the talk to get your business, but are they going to go above and beyond? How do they respond to your concerns?
2. So often problems arise because of lack of information. Many people don’t know anything about Down Syndrome and when they hear those words, they panic. It is your job to give them the information they need to care for your child. Don’t talk down to them, but approach it as a “how can I help you help my child” moment. By working together, you can make progress. Are they willing to talk?
3. Don’t be a helicopter parent! This is something I have really worked to not be. As a teacher, I know how hard it is to get a parent to back away a little. As a parent, I know how hard it is to do just that! Our kids thrive on structure and socialization. They may cry at drop-off, but I promise they will be fine! You have to trust these people with your child all day. It is hard when they aren’t verbal enough to talk about their day, but again…communication with the staff is your friend. Our daycare was very open to us calling and checking in at the beginning. We stopped after the first few days. And we know they will call us if anything happens (they called the other day to let us know he hit his head on the table when he was picking up a toy, but that he was okay). Will your daycare do that? Then breathe!
4. Ask if they can send pictures or videos through the day. We have been so lucky that our daycare has the iPads where they send us these things every day! We also get digital reports of naps (earlier was diaper changes and feeding as well) as well as what they are learning that week. I know a lot of at-home daycares will text parents. If they are willing to be open that way, that is usually a good sign!
5. Be understanding. Realize that your child is one of many, depending on the age group. My son is now one of 18. That means there are 17 other kids that are learning too. They all need the teacher’s attention. Your child will get hurt, will get upset, will get sick (germs are everywhere!). This is all okay! They are learning and this is all a part of learning. They may not learn at the same pace, but they will get there. Many times the experience alongside other kids is the best part! Again, are they willing to communicate with you? Sometimes it is a simple, he had a good day and sometimes it is a deeper conversation. These are both great.

So, ultimately, it is about communication. Be open and honest. Don’t be one of “those” parents who demands it be all about your kid, but expect that they give them the same opportunities.  Letting go is never easy, but daycare has been the best thing for Aaron. I even send him over the summer…and I’m not working! He does better there than he does for me sometimes. And he has friends. The other kids, especially the girls, love him. They give him hugs and he gets invited to birthday parties. I love seeing him with his friends and participating in school. Seeing my almost 4 year old kid just be a kid….nothing better than that!

 

Jessica  is a 38-year-old elementary school teacher. Jessica, her husband Andy, and their son Aaron live in Southern Maryland. They enjoy 5k runs, going to the beach, and traveling together. Down Syndrome was a journey they never anticipated, but they have been blessed to discover how much there has been to learn and love. Follow their lives on Instagram @read2mch