Many moms find comfort in the words of other mothers when learning about a Down’s Syndrome diagnosis, but how are the dads feeling? Though they all feel differently, one dad feels lucky. A Down Syndrome Diagnosis, a father’s perspective, and the unconditional love that comes with it.
My wife and I received the diagnosis of our son having Down syndrome during one of our first prenatal tests, and my wife and I were both confused as to what Down syndrome was, we knew no one with it, and was a big unknown to us. We did a 2nd test, the amniocentesis test, which ran a risk in itself, but my wife and I had to know. The test came back, 99.999999 percent for Trisommy 21, Down Syndrome.
The doctor told us that we were early on still, that we could have an abortion…in my head, I’m thinking “did she really just say what I think I heard?!”
Yes, she said it.
She took us to another room, where another person, I believe it was a counselor, who told us she was sorry to hear about the diagnosis, and then gave us a paper with a list of all the things that a Down syndrome baby could have – difficulties, development issues; mental and physical along with heart defects, which in his ultrasounds, showed defects and calcium buildup on his heart.
When we left the office, my wife and I didn’t really say anything to each other until we got into our car…the whole time I’m thinking..how are we going to tell our family and friends? What are we going to do if he has a heart defect, and has to be hospitalized? What if he needs to have open heart surgery? There were so many things about it all, but one thing I knew…he was not going to be an aborted baby. We were going to have him and just deal with it.
So we get in the car…we talk about looking into Down syndrome, learning more about it, and we get home, and my wife asks me…”We’re having him right?” I hug her, kiss her and say “Yes, we’re going to go all the way” We were both on the same page. He was our son, and we were not going to have an abortion. What will be will be.
I say all this, but my reaction and thoughts as the counselor was talking, and on the walk to the car were different…
“Why me!?”
“Why us?!”
“What did I do that was so bad during my life to deserve this?! ”
On the outside I looked like I was holding it together, but inside, it was tearing me up. I was confused, angry, sad.
I was no longer happy.
I prayed, I prayed like I had never prayed before.
We told our families. Everyone we told, at least for myself, when I spoke of Andrew having Down syndrome, I could hear in my voice, the voice of shame, embarassment…but every one of my family told me that it would be ok, they would help if needed, and he was going to be a blessing and God knows what’s best.
You know what? They were right!! He is a blessing!
Truth be told, when Andrew was born, all my fear, all my worries went away. He was born, he began crying, and he looked so beautiful. I forgot that he had Down syndrome, and when my wife asked me how he looked, I told him he looked like our first born, Kenneth.
I could not see that he had Down syndrome, but our doctor and pediatrician both said he did and had the slanted eyes. Not sure if I was in denial, I couldn’t see it. I didn’t care at that point. I was just happy he was here, and I could call him my son.
He did have two holes in his heart, both very tiny and they didn’t require open heart surgery.
Andrew is now 2 years old, he will be 3 this December, and he is the best thing that’s happened to me. Every day he teaches me something new.
God works in mysterious ways; I say this, because he answered my question; “what did I do to deserve this?”
Andrew has chronic lung disease, asthma, and takes hypothyroid, takes 4 medicines a day and his 2 inhalers, mild hearing loss. His holes in his heart have closed and he is delayed, but he’s doing things on his own time. He’s still not eating too many solids, he has a sensory issue, but we’re working through it.
This past year he was in the hospital for 1-2 weeks at a time, 5 times. It wasn’t easy, but it makes my wife and I stronger and shows just how strong Andrew is. He’s always smiling, and his smile is infectious. He’s so patient, and he’s smart, and he’s walking on his own, and not speaking yet, but he has his moments.
Just the other day, he looked at me with his beautiful eyes, gave me a kiss and said “I love you”. Told him I love you back, and got teary-eyed. 
Every milestone is a big one for us.
Andrew has his older brother, Kenneth who is 4, and has a younger brother, Nathan who just turned 1. All blessings, and I love the fact that they are close in age.
I never regret our decision to have our son. He truly is a blessing and I’m the lucky one to be his father.
Ben is 39 years old, he and his wife, Ruby, have been married almost 8 years. The couple have 3 amazing boys, all characters in their own way, Kenneth who is 4 yrs old, Andrew their, Superman, and Nathan who just turned 1 not so long ago.
The pair recently moved from Long Beach, California to Van Nuys, California to start as the Branch Manager for the company Ben works for, Multi Sales Inc.. It has been a big adjustment for the family, but it’s been for the better, and Andrew will be getting the care he needs, such as occupational, physical, speech and feeding therapy along with his motor skills. And he will be going to a school soon where he will receive all of those. Truly blessed.
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