Dear Mama,
I pulled into the parking spot and when I spotted you, I was so excited. I know it sounds so odd, I don’t know you or your son, but seeing you walking from the store I felt an instant connection.
Why did I feel connected? Because I saw the beautiful almond shaped eyes your son had, the slightly unsteady gait and the broad smile that splayed across his face as he was trying to keep up with you.
I hopped out of my car and at lightning speed unbuckled my son so that I could nod a hello to you while he was perched on my hip. I thought maybe you would smile a warm and knowing smile, I thought maybe there would be a flicker of recognition and we would share that secret, “I know too,” look that I have often shared with other mamas. I imagined that we would chat for a moment and then both go our separate ways better for the encounter.
When I smiled and waved hello, you locked eyes with me and kept moving, possibly at a more brisk pace than before. I was left feeling a bit rejected, a bit saddened by the lack of connection.
I had to stop and realize that I might seriously be in the minority. I might be the only one that truly searches faces hoping to see someone else like my son. I might be a bit odd in my desire to see and connect with others like him, but when it does happen, it seriously makes my day. Like the time I saw a teenaged boy dressed in a kilt and performing a dance on stage at a festival, or the time I saw a beautiful young lady pushing carts at a grocery store across town, even the time I saw a much older woman and her sister dining at Cracker Barrell. I swear I live for these moments, I can float after having a heartfelt moment or two with someone else who understands, it’s our secret code of sorts.
Today that connection did not happen. I always feel a bit baffled when it goes like this. I feel like I am silly for wanting to meet a complete stranger in the parking lot simply because of an extra chromosome. I wonder what it is like for you.
Maybe you were running late, maybe you had a rough day, maybe you didn’t even notice my son perched on my hip.
Maybe you don’t enjoy meeting others who share that extraordinary bond. Maybe it is hard for you.
To you, mama, I hope you have a great support system. I pray you have come to a place that you realize your child is a gift and that you have felt the unspeakable bond between families in our tribe of special needs parents that is phenomenal. I hope that you have connected with others in this community and that connection has been genuine and sincerely a blessing. I wish we could have had that connection and I could have told you that your son was a blessing to me today, just because he is here.
You are not at all alone! I CONSTANTLY am seeking that knowing glance and smile as well. This is a blessed road we are on, but it is different than most, and hard and isolating emotionally at times. That knowing glance gives the comfort that we are in this not alone, but in the company of people who “get it”. Keep trying… and I will too! 💛😊
Thank you! I really have been wondering if I was the only one who did this!
I’m like you! I usually want to meet people because it’s always a rare siting when I do. I remember one time I finally did see a little boy in a grocery cart and I was nearly speechless. The mom and I chatted for a bit. It was fun!
I love those connections, I met a grandma and her beautiful granddaughter in the parking lot of the Children’s hospital near us and it was a lovely encounter. Those are the ones that are so valuable.
There is a mom at my daughters soccer who has made it clear she doesn’t want to chat. It made me sad. 🙁 I wasn’t going to smother her! 🙂
It always leaves me wondering…why? And it makes me sad for them.
I’m that mom, too! I love meeting other Mommas. Years ago, I was at the park around the corner from our house. My daughter was maybe 2 or 3 but not walking yet. There was another Momma there with two kids, a boy who was maybe 8 or so and a little girl who I think was around 4 or 5. The kids were mixed race, Asian and Caucasian, and at first I didn’t realize her little girl had DS. The mom looked familiar, but I could not place her. I think it was pretty obvious that my daughter had DS and we exchanged a few words, but it was more parent talk. I’ve never seen her again and I always thought it was odd why she didn’t say more, but that’s ok, or talk about her daughter etc.
Those encounters always leave me baffled too. Unless she had tried to make that connection with another mom at some point and was rebuffed, maybe she was afraid to note to you that she noticed your daughter? I love the connections when they happen though!
I do this as well. There is a young lady with Down syndrome who is a bagger at our local grocery store. If I see her, I go for her line and chat with her. My husband and I are always catching each other’s attention when we see another with Down syndrome, and smile. Especially at the renaissance faire. Luckily, many people at the faire know of my children’s diagnosis and treat them no different than every other child.
Me too! I just did this at Kroger the other day.